As I have posted pretty much everywhere this morning, THANK MEGA RAVE ITS FRIDAY! :D :D

And there a few things.

Firstly, I hope to GOD my money has come through, otherwise it's going to be a very sober rave. Also, Vinylism are going to have In For The Kill for me now and I would really love to go and buy it. If I have money.

Secondly, Mancey's back  today! He's coming in by train - I don't know if I mentioned this? He totaled his car the other day :| A car he's had... a week today. Although to be fair it wasn't his fault, a tractor pulled out way too fast and he swerved and flipped the car right over and into a tree. I'm glad he's okay, to be honest. Anyway, he's gonna call me when he comes in, 'cause I'm going into town with Laura, so I can meet him :D AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A MIIIIIIIIX :D

What else what else... oh yes. We've made plans to take mushrooms tomorrow. I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling a bit nervous. The plan is to get up early, go pick them, then go to the beach and enjoy them. Since we have to pass by town, I've had a genius idea to avoid the horrific taste: smoke enough to get extreme munchies, go through town and pick up a footlong Subway, shove the mushrooms in the Subway, then munch on that all the way to the beach. When we get there, Jo, our designated reality driver, is gonna have a surf and keep an eye on us while we wander about. I'm considering bringing the dog, but I'm not sure yet. 

Right, Laura's gonna be here soon, so I need shoes and so forth. Brush teethies. Speak in a bit!

 Okay, well something kind of hit me today. National Novel Writer's Month is in about a week and a half. What! I haven't planned anything. And I mean ANYTHING. No plot, no characters, no nothing. I'm going to have a busy couple weeks catching it all back up, putting something together so that I have even a vague hope of hitting the 50k mark. It's a scary thought. 

In other news, nothing really. Another day at home with the dog, that's three in a row now. I've written my personal statement for uni and sent it to different parts of the world for people to read and give opinions/constructive criticism. I also tried calling Kingston's Humanities admissions office to find out if there's any point me even applying there but noone answered.

I spent several hours talking to my sister's boyfriend again, who I will be honest is one of my favourite people to talk to. I spoke to my Grandmother yesterday for the first time in ages and she informed me that she's sent me my Xmas money. Already. But I went to the bank yesterday and I had £0.71. Most upsetting.

I might be meeting my roommate to go food shopping later if money has come through today. I should have got a £108 paycheck off that callcentre this week but I still haven't seen it. I can't describe how hungry I am :( But still. One must sacrifice frivolous things like food in order to afford tickets for the MEGA RAVE TOMORROW NIGHT WITH BENGA AND SUBFOCUS and also TICKET TO SEE CHASE & STATUS IN CARDIFF NEXT SUNDAY.

*collapses from too much excitement and awesomeness*

also also also guess who's back tomorrow! :D I can't wait! And Jo brought me a needle yesterday so I finally got to have a mix! And Rusko's Jahova goes b-e-a-utifully with that 'Rumble Inna Station' Skream remix I bought. I got them to go together! I'm so proud :D

 Okay that's kind of creepy. I had a dream about Jay, for the first time ever and it was the first time I kind of thought about him for like a week or so, and he's back today. He's been in Crete this whole time and he's back today, the day I dreamt about him. 

Predicting, much?

Also he fell in love with a girl while he was there. Didn't really tell her, isn't in a relationship or anything, but fuck. :(

 I can't really believe it. My sonofabitch computer is broken AGAIN, and it's still the power charger. That's about the 5th or 6th power charger that it's blown up. I mean, what the hell? I'm on Jenni's computer at the moment that she's lent me as she's in college. I like it, but I want mine!

Managed to pretty much finish my room yesterday. There's still the odd few bits that need a home but generally the floor is clear and everything is in its place, and I love it. It looks great. I especially love the mixing decks in the corner, behind the wardrobe. It makes it feel like a little kind of studio area. Oh, and while I was in town the day before yesterday I went to Vinylism, the record shop, and a few good things happened. :D

Firstly Tony, the guy who works there, told me that he could get me a job, 'cause there's a Drum & Bass DJ who also works for Virgin Media as the hirer and firer, and it's answering phones, any hours I want :) so he gave me a number and I called it and I've done as much as I can in that one. The other good thing that happened (ish) was that I saw Skream's In For The Kill in the rack so I put it to one side, because I know the song very very well and I wanted to buy it. I mean, the shop was empty and it's tiny, people do that all the time. Then I took a pile of vinyls to the decks to listen to and while I was listening to them, he sold the Skream one, he hadn't realized I wanted it. I was a bit 'aw' but he said that he was going to bring one back from London for me on Friday and sell it to me, and also the other one that I wanted, a rare Skream + Benga + Artwork, was £10 and he said I can't charge you that much after what I just did so he knocked it down to £7. :D I have yet to pay full price in that shop.

And because I'm sure you're all extremely curious, this is the track I bought. It sounds a bit eh on the computer though. On the decks, with proper speakers, it's... oh... I love it.

On another side note again, Mancey has been calling me almost every day since he left :D Also I was looking through here the other day and realized that I talked about 'Photo Dan' all the time back in March or whenever. Well, it's the same guy :P The friendship progressed quite a bit, let me tell you. :D

I had a dream about Jay last night too. He's a guy that I kissed a couple weeks ago but haven't heard a word from since, not even on Facebook. Though apparently he's on holiday, so that could be why. But this is a guy whose name has always preceeded him, who is indeed a legend in every way. A guy I've always kind of had a crush on, just because it's JAY. Kind of like Noah back in the day, except Jay is the same age as me (possibly a few months younger) and not a total dickhead. In fact, he doesn't have an arrogant or self-righteous bone in his body. Don't think of him like Noah. They're totally different. AND Jay's better looking XD.

Right. Time for breakfast, Diggnation, Zero Punctuation, a shower, and then jobhunting/uni application. In that order :D

There's something about a crisp, ice cold morning and a clear blue sky that makes me think of books I read when I was thirteen. I think one of them was called 'The Diary of Pelly D', something along those lines. It makes me think of boarding schools and secrets and bright futures. I love it.

Jade is coming over this morning, I think, before her classes start. I don't know what she has planned but I love that girl, so it's going to be fun. And as I said before, today is the beginning of the rest of my life, or whatever. So I guess I should get in the shower.

I really do love this weather, though. I'd have it every day if I could. So cold! So fresh!

25 weeks since my last update. That is shocking. I apologize to the emptiness that I imagine is a bunch of people vaguely interested in my life.

I'm writing today because I suppose I'm starting a new chapter of my life as of tomorrow.

My best friend, well he probably thought of me as 'one of' but he was my best friend, moved away yesterday, and I only found out he was leaving on Thursday morning. Well, he found out he was leaving Thursday morning. So a person I have been spending pretty much every day with for near on a month now, and someone I have been really really good friends with for quite a while is gone. My days are now stretching like bare expanses of nothingness, and that is a scary thought.
But the thing is, as both of us were bums - we quit our jobs together on the same day, we were pretty much the only people we knew that had no college, no uni, no job, no nothing - we would only have each other. He's moved away 'cause his dad gave him a job in Reading, so he's actually moving forward with his life. I didn't fight for him to stay because I knew it would be a phenominally selfish act for me to make him stay, keep being a bum, being unable to afford anything that he wants. And it's not like I'm never going to see him again. In fact he's going to try to come back to Swansea for the Mega-Rave this Friday (BENGA AND SUBFOCUS OMG) and he's definately coming to Cardiff for Chase & Status at the end of the month.

Anyway, so he's moving on with his life, so should I. I think this is a good opportunity for me to look back with great fondness at the time we spent together, but also to use this as a turning point, a definitive time when I can start sorting my life out.
And if anything, I can use when I'm going to see him next as sort of markers, like by the next time I see him I'll have sorted out this, and done that, etc. So here we go for the list of things I want done by the time he's done with training and living in Cardiff, which will be about 4-5 months from now (maybe longer):

- Got a job
- Applied to uni
- Bought a needle for his decks
- Built up a bit of a record collection (vinyls)
- Learnt how to mix (I don't expect to be amazing, but I want to impress him)
- Saved some money
- Started driving lessons
- Lost weight, grown my hair out, be in better shape, generally improved physically
- Sorted my room out completely and perfectly, exactly how I want it
- Become more reliable with contacting friends (i.e. update here relatively regularly, Twitter, write to some people I haven't spoken to in a while)

And that's really all I can think of right now. But the point is that gone are the endless days of smoking, bumming around, spending days drinking tea and getting stoned and watching movies. Now are the days when I start to use my gap year productively. I don't want this to be something I'll regret, or something that will have basically been a waste of time.

Thankyou for those that have taken the time to read this. Let's hope this one sticks, that I can get my life back in order. It's not going to be easy.

I made icons! I am so proud. What we have here are:

[3] Random (Wossy, Gad Elmaleh and Johnny Depp)
[4] Diggnation
[8] Supernatural (Mostly Castiel)
[15] Tim Minchin

Sample:

001

002

003

 

Okay, so I don't really want to talk about what happened on Friday, thought I feel like a should.

In the short of it, we didn't go to the beach because the weather was crappy, so he came over to mine, and Roommate N went out with her boyfriend. We got a ten in and worked our way through the bottle of wine. It was a really nice evening and everything was going great, until Leon showed up. I know that if he hadn't arrived, something would have happened. He left that evening to go see some other people, and wouldn't stay no matter what I said. But I still went to bed with a good feeling.

The next day the weather was stunning so I texted him saying, 'We could go to the beach today?' to which he replied 'can't sorry with my girly maybe later'. WAIT WHUT.

Yeah, so he's seeing someone else. Which makes no sense because when he came over last Sunday Roommate J asked him if he had a girlfriend/boyfriend/'girl' and he said no to all three. So what? What? I was a little stoned at that point so I said something along the lines of 'I thought something else was happening here, I didn't realize you were seeing someone else' but apparently that made no sense to him. He called me yesterday asking for Leon's number, so I think as far as he's concerned nothing's wrong. But at the same time he's not shown any interest like he wants to see me 'in that way'.

URGH.

Why? Why is it so fucking hard all the time?

Do you know what I also realized? That I need someone to talk Diggnation to. Because I have no-one. And another thing that came to mind is that I really really want to find that Sasha guy again. I don't know if I ever mentioned him on here. He was at Big S's 17th about two years ago, and me and him really hit it off. And he was wearing a Diggnation tshirt, and introduced me to it. I gave him my email, but I never heard from him. And I don't know his last name, Big S didn't know who he was, and I tried posting on the Rev3 forum but I never got an answer. *Sigh*. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Or maybe I could write to Alex and Kevin, and they could say something on the show.

But then if Sasha does get in contact with me and has a girlfriend or something, what do I do? I'll have to think about it.

Also, FF showed me Omegle.com. That site right there is hours of fun. Seriously. Hee.

Men suck ass.

Wow so.

It's been a relatively normal week, what with sunny weather most of the time and nightly Sex Education vs. Pornography shows. That's been fun. Didn't actually know that the uterus moves forward when a woman is aroused. Did anyone else know that?

Aside from that, well... I went to the Kenya Project Trip meeting under the pretense of finding out what I'm missing and also hanging out with people I know. However, Photographer Dan is going to Kenya, so in reality it was a gratuitious chance to talk to him. Although he sat on the other side of the room, so not so cool. Exchanged a few looks with him though. Ah, desperation.

On the other hand, when I got home I just wanted to text him something, so I invited him to the beach on Friday afternoon to drink some wine.

I'm meeting him outside the Vivian pub in Sketty at 3. Oh my God, is this a date? I've been talking to roommates N and J and I'm not sure. I mean, I didn't say it was, but neither was there mention of other people coming. What if he asks who we're meeting? And I go, 'Oh, no-one... mumblemumble' because THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO.

I might be freaking out in an epic way right now.

Sidenote: QI annual from Amazon and computer still not arrived/back. Had the British postal service broken down again?

OHMIGOD Photographer Guy Dan contacted me. Oh yes. It was... okay, okay, from the beginning.

Well, to be honest there isn't that much to tell. My last entry (somewhere around there) is evident that I had somewhat given up hope on that aspect.  I went shopping on Friday and bought food. And an AMAZING book from the Charity Shoppe called 'Great Lives - Great Deeds, the Reader's Digest'. It's an original from the 1960s and only cost 80p. Mint condition. Anyway it's full of ten-odd pages long condensed biographies of famous people. E.G I've read so far: Henry Ford, Churchill, Einstein, Plato & Soctrates. And there's around 50 of them.

ANYWAY. Book wank aside, I bought that and food (£2.50 bus fare for a single to town by the way. Fucking travesty.) and headed back up to the house. Jenni and I hung out and voila. Friday was relatively uneventful.

Saturday we decided to score a ten-bag (so £5 each) for the weekend. N_W's Cousin J has a car now so he picked up and brought it over. Strong stuff.

So we were just watching TV and by phone buzzes. 'I can finally text again! It's Mancey btw :) x'. A solid few minutes of 'who the fuck...?' later and I remembered that Funky A called him Nancey - at least I thought, but it must be him.

Twenty minutes later, he's in my living room sparking up a big one and talking Attenbrough. It was awesome.

We didn't really do much 'cause we got mashed, but played the Rizla game and watched a few crappy movies.

And he was back again the next evening. Picked up for us again, 'cause we're terrible. :P However Leon, James and Nadia turned up and crowded the place a bit, so I think he was a little put off... He left fairly abribtly after Leon arrived. Despite that, I've texted him a few times today (about the trip to Kenya) and he was pretty damn prompt in answering.

I was thinking of a) asking him to go somewhere this weekend (park, beach, wine, you know the story) or b) inviting him camping over Easter when Nadia goes (she invited me). Or I could do both.

But is it bad for a girl to ask a guy out? I don't know these things, see. Hmm.

Also, my computer was taken from me yesterday. A vaguely weepy moment, although that might have been because I want in my pyjamas smoking the good stuff and reminiscing while watching the IB video. It was a low point for me.

But still. 2-5 day turnaround!! I might have it back by the end of the week! Alas, I have so missed Twitter and ElJay and Diggnation and the like. And INSTANT ACCESS TO GOOGLE TO PROVE JAMES WRONG. I must remember this.

Right, I'm off. Other irrelevant sites to pay attention to. You know how it is.

Apocalypse is coming in 33 days. Be prepared.  

Okay. Death to all college computers. Really. Because it won't run Java or whatever the fuck is needed in order for ElJay to run in any kind of comprehensive way, I just wrote a whole entry and hit post, but because it can't conserve my content when I'm asked for more quota time, I lost it.

I'm aware that for those who don't have this issue on their computers, that will have made little to no sense, but I don't care. I'm angry.

ANYWAY. There was a ridiculously entertaining protest outside college today against the funding cuts for adult education. FF took a picture of me and my maths lecturer snarling angrily and holding placards. I'm so in love with it that I think when I get my computer/CS4 back, I will reform my header to include it. Really.

On a similar note, I mentioned in passing to my french lecturer/The IB coordinator/the protest organizer (same person) that I should write an article on this, what with political journalism aspirations and all that, and she got uber excited. So here I am, trying to find an opening line. What am I doing? This is INSANE. Even if I do finish it (and it will be amateur as fuck), where do I post it? I mean, I'll put it here, but I need somewhere more official. I don't know if the college would be interested in an advert for how disrupted their classes get. She said I should put it on Youtube, as they have some kind of manifesto there, but I would a) need to contact whoever put it up so it could go into the info as a comment link would just be buried and b) need somewhere to host it. A link to my blog is unwise. The only thing I can think of is making a new ElJay and having that as my reporting resource. Bah. Need to think about that.

Also still not talking to roommate N. Don't want to talk about the fact that I'm not talking to her, but still. You know. Well you don't, but... it's hard to avoid someone you live with. I hope to all hell it doesn't all blow up in my face tonight. I was so glad to be at German J's yesterday, it was just some silly relief that made me forget the crap going down at home.

I also did my English oral. Got Shakespeare. After a brief breakdown I got to work, and she said at the end that I was one of the best of the day, and I was last, so that's a big scope. Something of a reassurance, I guess.

I also saw Supernatural 4x16, thanks to N_W. Overdoses of Castiel make me feel happy. :D

I miss my computer.

I fail to see why ElJay has to be such a bitch today and yesterday. Although to be fair, I'm on a college computer with McAfee security (God knows why) and restricted "Social and networking sites" policies, so it could well be their problem.

Either way, the site as I see it now is sans flash or any other addon, and painful to look at. I don't even have a font/link/cut/picture toolbar. Or a toggle, should I desire to HTML this entire post.

AAAAAAnyway. Went on the hike. Walked 33 miles. Cried for the last three, blisters the size of Jupiter. Vastly questioning why the hell I put myself through it. Going to try again next year anyway.

I broke down last night. I don't want to rant and bitch on here, because this LJ is something that I treasure and to whine about a roommate is a childish thing. BUT. When you find yourself looking forward to your roommates going away so that you can make the house habitable again, or when you're taking days off college to clean the kitchen, surely something is wrong? Well, to make a long story short, me and Roommate N are not talking. I was on the phone to both my mum and my dad about it last night, in tears. I'm tired, stressed, homesick and my feet hurt. I don't want to have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

So I'm not going home until late today. I'm going to German J's house after college for some relief, and then one of her host family's sons is dropping me off home in the evening. I'm looking forward to it.

Also update on the laptop: it blew up the new charger, as I may have mentioned, but it looks like Toshiba might send a bloke to me to repair it, which would be awesome. Awaiting on reply vis a vis the serial number. Supposedly I didn't register it with the warrenty, though I totally did.

Right. This is actually procrastination. I have my English oral in about 35 minutes, unseen commentary on an extract of either Shakepeare's King Lear or Pride and Prejudice. I hope for the latter. And I'm terrified of both. Fuck it, wish me luck, kids.

Okay, so I might have met a guy today. He's the college photographer, and his name's Dan. Or Nancy. Not sure where that comes from. But he's sweet and cute. And I feel like a twelve year old girl again. I think I just went back 6 or 7 years. But I don't care! I was hanging out with him and Adam in the Viv (I got ID'd, which was lame) but I had to dive off to do crap in town. Still, he has my number, and is interested in both my house parties and maybe going for a smoke next week. I feel good about this, I think.

Also - me posting at this time of day means YES, I have a new power supply. I be awesome. I made it from the pub in Sketty to town (about 3 miles) in 10 minutes, and managed to get the survival bag, proplus tablets and the power supply. The stall was closing, chairs in front of the entrance and everything, but I turned on a bit of the family charm for the geeky guy who works there, and he changed it, no questions asked. Didn't even want a receipt.

Right, I have shiz to do. Such as cooking food, organizing the pack for tomorrow and looking up some batteries. If I don't have any, I don't know what I'll do...

HAIL.

I am inordinately proud of myself. I'm usually unbearable shit at HTML coding, let alone Photoshop, and yet I've done all of this layout myself. ^^ YUS!!

Kenya Project Day here in College. We've got some beatboxing breakdancers in the library later. No, I'm not joking. Relevance to Kenya? Who knows. But we'll have some ravey fun, I'm sure.

Computer conked out. Power charger rather worryingly started whistling the other day, and it hasn't been charging properly for a few weeks now, so I bought one of those universal ones down at an adorable geeky shop called Mike-O-Soft yesterday. Worked fine for most of the evening, but when I woke up in the morning there was no power, and my computer was off. No idea what's gone wrong, but I seem to have mixed the receipt up with the one I got from milk in Tesco and threw it out in town. £30 charger and I can't take it back. I'll go there anyway, but I have little hope.
I just don't understand why it died. What the fuck, Toshiba?

Right, it seems I'm needed to butter up some possibly-donating politicinas to get us up on the charity registry line. Fun times.

I had to delete the coursework post, if anything just because when I hand it in officially it'll be run through the system and come up as plagiarism. Funny, really. I only put it up there 'cause the email servers were down and I needed to transfer it from my laptop to college computers.

I've been thinking a lot, lately. Inability to sleep till 5 am makes you ponder the strangest things, and I've come up with this one:

I'm viciously dissatisfied with my life.

I don't write, though I really want to. I don't study, though I know I can. I'm not quite the geek I like to think I am, though it's pretty close. No-one's interested in me, in that way. I find myself irrationally jealous of a thirty-something year-old guy in Chicago. I set myself tasks that I don't ever finish.

What can I do about it? I think it's all self-discipline. I need to force myself to write, otherwise I'll never be that big-time journalist. It's all very good looking at Chloe in Smallville and hating that I'm not like her.. but why can't I be? Okay, so there's no superpower-related mysteries around here for me to solve thatalways seem to involve bald, sexy millionaires, but I could set up a newspaper. Like, a Kenya Project newsletter or something. Man, that would be amazing. I just want something new, you know? I'm sick of projects that always start with me losing weight, going to bed early, getting all my homework done on time... I need a change from that I've been writing lists lke that since I was 12 in the back of Mme Rauscher's maths class.

I'll talk to Pat, sometime. Or maybe I could just write articles, in my spare time. Try and get published on the internet. Who knows?
Also: fic. Need to work on that, so hard. I had a Diggnation fic brainwave the other day in English class, but of course it's not finished. Maybe I could get it done? It would be nice, for once.

It's 10:30 here and I have a shitload of stuff to do tomorrow. I think I'll go crash. It's for my own good.

(I might watch Diggnation first.)
((OMFG HOUSE DOWNLOADING *SPASMS*))

Oh & did I mention, my dad's girlfriend is here? He's staying with her at what I think is my mother's lover's house.

What the fuck?!

OH MY GOD HATING ON FIREFOX RIGHT NOW.

TWICE I have had to restart this post, and TWICE it had crashed. FUCKERS.

Peer-pressure into downloading by Diggnation is not advised! Damn those sexy geeks! *shakes fist*

ANWAY. AS I WAS SAYING. I bought another tshirt off threadless. 'Rock out with your cock out'. $5 sale, people! I couldn't resist!

Also, went out quite a bit these last couple days. After cleaning two villas with C on saturday she invited me & her dog and her friends and one of those friends' dogs up some mountains. So it ended up as 5 people and 5 dogs (three of them mine). Was cool. Then back to hers, hung out, watched 'Atonement'. The film was better than I expected, but all it really did was make me want a typewriter, dammit.

Then M intived me to hers for one of the 'meet-ups'. Which one must know was my sister's thing. these are all my sister's friends/ex-boyfriends. So I'm at M's house, at what is basically a party with all these people I used to look up to when i was twelve, and they're actually talking to me. But I was still the youngest there, by at least three years. Odd as hell.

Stayed the night in a tent, then back here. And that was it really. There's a gig on tonight, A and N playing, but I couldn't be arsed.

I've been simply watchng buttloads of Diggnation for the past week. This geekiness is not healthy. But I don't care! I have such a crush on Alex Albrecht that it doesn't even matter anymore. *sigh*

Still alive!
Not that anyone really cares, but you know.

Slow day today, my brother cooked dinner, which all round was nice of him, but he needs to learn that in a spinach salad, you can't just lie the huge leaves whole on top of each other. They need to be mixed up, and shredded. But the pesto made it good.

I bought a tshirt today from threadless.com. It's awesome, and totally worth it, and I bought one yesterday from Cafepress.com, which is cool too. The latter is a reference to Radio4's 'Just A Minute'. I look forward to wearing it in the UK and seeing who gets it. :D

It's stupid o'clock, and I failed badly at the drabblethon. I've written most of them, but not all, and I hate myself for it. I've had a whole day!
Tomorrow. Honestly. 

I've just spent the last three hours reading Life, As Experienced Through Your Fingers. Such a good fic, really. I read it years ago, but I was going through my friend everworld2662's favourite stories on Fanfiction.net and found it. Talking of which: Ever, dear, where's that Letters you wrote which included Sybill Trelawney/Minerva McGonagall? I want to read it, as does Bolt.

*snuggles into bed* 
*scratches*

DAMN MOSQUITOS!